Methamphetamine:
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Hello, I'm a 19-year-old girl. I've only been using Meth for 3 months.
In those 3 months I've lost so much. A boyfriend who loved me more
than anything, my job, my real friends, and my families trust. I left
home three times in one month. I was on anti-depressants before Meth
and Meth only made it worse. I'm back home and have been clean for
only five days. I'm trying to quit, but it's very hard. I just sit at
home, and if I leave it's only with my family. I know all it would
take is one phone call to have a quarter. All my "friends"
do the shit so I don't want to see them. At one time I wanted to help
them, but I have to help myself first. I tried to help Meth boyfriend
(that's what I call him) so many times because he has been a friend
all my life. I know now he has to help himself. I want to everyday,
and it just gets worse. My family is trying so hard to help, and I
love them for that. They don't fully understand the desire and want.
It's a pain they can't understand, because they aren't addicted. I ask
for everyone’s prays and hope. I can only ask God to help me and
send my boyfriend who loved me so much back and help me throw this
hard time. For everyone who hasn't tried the shit don't!!! This site
has helped me with a lot of pain I have felt in the last 48 hours. I
have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years. He was the love of my
life, my soul mate, and my destiny. We had been there for each other
through thick and thin and talked about getting married one day. I
thanked god everyday that I found a person so wonderful that loved me
so unconditionally. Of course, with any relationship, there are always
ups and downs. He tended to use drugs "recreationally" to
"numb" his pain. Mostly prescription drugs. I hated the fact
that he would do this to himself, but I loved him and I helped him
through it. He would tell me how wonderful I was to stick with him
through it all and said I always made him stronger. A few months ago,
out of the blue, he dropped out of sight. Now I have read that users
will start to have a decline in things that once made them happy, but
this was just one day it was perfect and the next day he was gone. I
will never know what made him start. He is a perfectionist with
everything--including drugs. He will know every single thing there is
to know about them, but still use them. He is like a walking pharmacy
handbook. I tried to contact him. He wouldn't answer. I knew he was
alive from friend’s sightings of him here and there, but he wouldn't
call me, come by or write. Just 2 days ago, I had a chance meeting
with him. It was quite a shock for both of us. I didn't expect to see
him and I didn't expect his appearance. In just 2 months, he had lost
40 pounds! He was shaking all over and couldn't look me in the eye. He
said he couldn't talk about what was going on at the time. Although he
gave me the advice of "don't mix speed with morphine". I
knew at that point he was spun out of control. The next day, I went to
his place of work, and the most distant look was in his eye. It was
something I never saw in anyone in my life. I asked for us to talk
when he was off work and that I would pick him up. Before the time I
was to get him, he had sent an email to me that was the cruelest
letter I have ever seen in my life. He tried to pin everything on me.
His letter made it seem like I was the one with a problem. He said he
was "scared", "frightened of me", "speechless", and couldn't believe my actions. His
letter sounded completely paranoid in it tone. In all of our years, in
all of our fights, he never once spoke to me with such hate and
disregard. I knew that letter wasn't written by "him"----it
was written by him on speed. I sent him a reply wishing him all the
best. It was the hardest day of my life. I know that it wasn't the
"real" boyfriend; it was the "speed" addict. I
knew at the point of receiving his letter, that I couldn't help him.
He told me to never call him, do not stop by his house; do not go to
his work. He has been hanging out with a known speed dealer and I’m
sure it will catch up to him. I am almost positive that in the next 6
months, the man I loved so much will be in jail, rehab, or dead. I did
not stalk this man like he thought---in 2 months I went to his house
once and I went to his job once. But he has taken those incidents and
turned them around in his head and made it seem like I had. Almost
every other sentence in his letter was an extreme state of paranoia. I
have never cried so much in my entire life. I had lost my boyfriend,
my best friend and the person I thought was "the one". I
actually even started to believe for a moment that maybe he was right
and I was the crazy one. (Please note--I do not do drugs.) I went
through every single emotion there is. Today I read every single bit
of information on this site. It was like they used my boyfriend as the
poster child for this! Never
in my life did I think I would be involved with something like this.
It has made a man that was in love with me fall in love with
speed and choose that over life and love. My pain will go on for a
long time. I am truly praying for his health, but I’m almost certain
that soon I will be praying for his soul.
This goes out to all you who are on drugs. Think of your kids. You
tell them not to do it so why do you. I am an 12-year-old girl who has
lost her parents over meth and I am very sad and I don’t think you
want your children sad. They
will probably never for give you for what you have did to them. I know
I am very mad at my parents for what they did to me. So if you care
about your family and kids stop doing what you are doing or go get
some help. Give your kids their happy life back and stop making their
life miserable. Yours
truly, Hello, my name is Miriam. I can
relate to most of you out there who are crying inside hoping someone
out there can hear you. I had been a drug user for 7 years, I'm only
22 I never actually wanted to quit I loved the feeling of being in
that kind of high. I was always teased for being chunky I hated it,
back in 97 was the first bad trip I had gone through, I used it every
single day for 2 months I lost 40 pounds in those 2 months I don't
remember sleeping, it was summer and I had spent both months literally
trapped in my room I don't remember one sunny day, it was so cold I
felt like I had been trapped in a bubble, but I could see myself
getting high, I don’t know why I wouldn’t put the pipe down, but I
could see the evil that surrounded me jump into my body, I was feeling
scared, in those days I was babysitting for my sister, my niece was
only a year old when she walked into the room and all of a sudden was
scared of me, I cried Alexa, Alexa it's me, your aunt and she ran out
of that room as if she seen something evil till this day I KNOW she
did see something evil. Watching my niece be that scared of my got me
scared also I could not stand hearing her crying all of a sudden I had
this urge to jump out the window of our two story apartment I really
wanted to die at that minute. I really believe that anyone being in
this drug is surrounded by evil spirits all the time, even though they
might not feel them, or they never get scared, but think about it the
devil is not going to scare someone that is weak minded because he
knows it will make them quit, after that summer I never really tripped
out. In 99 I had a baby boy, but I was still a slave for the drug that
it didn't make me quit. I was always yelling at him because he was
always throwing things at me, one day he tried to stab me with a knife
I don't know who taught him that, but that's when I realized that we
had evil spirits in the house and they had possessed my son who was
only 1 and a half years old. You might not believe it but this is the
honest truth ever since Sept. 11 I had finally opened my eyes and
finally prayed to God and apologized to my family for pushing them
away I decided to quit using drugs. It took about a week to get what
ever was in my house disturbing my son OUT. I had a local pastor come
and pray for my home, I accepted Jesus into my heart and finally
realized how much my son loves me and how smart he is how much he has
learned, because all that time I was too busy getting high to even
notice. I promised the Lord I wouldn't touch drugs again, I am not
scared of being at my house anymore because I am more scared of what
God can do to me than the Devil. For all the meth users if you really
want help just pray to God everyday and believe me God answers prayers
and he's the only way out.
Ok, this will probably sound just like all those other "don't do
drugs" kind of things, but this is real life for me...
The Love of my life is addicted to glass.
He is one of the most amazing and intelligent people on the
face of this earth. Before he started getting heavily into glass I saw him as so
strong and that he was going to be so incredibly succesful.and now
that he's using every moment my vision of him deteriorates. He was 19-year-old "entrepreneur" (slang-anything
that involves big money). He
had tried almost every drug out there but not become addicted to or
even formed a habit of any of them except for a lil bit herb, until he
started doing glass. He
lives in California so the glass out here has a huge profit rate so he
eventually started slanging it. He
got so caught up in making money that he needed every hour of the day
and night for "buisness", so he started doing smoking it
just a few nights a week. Meanwhile he was lying to me about it, I
thought he was only slanging it and I really truly believed him when
he said he wasn’t using. I
only saw him probably bout 5 days a week for only a couple hours at a
time, but his habit became so bad that he eventually just needed it to
bad one afternoon and just took out his pipe and smoked it right in
front of me, I was completely shocked.
He seemed to not even realize that I was there when he was
doing it and he had this insane obsessive look on his face....n then,
when he was done, he looked at me and seemed to realize. I had never
seen a look so sad in my life. He
eventually did it every few hours and there was no way for me to avoid
being around him while smoking. The
man I once viewed as so strong and amazing and was one of the proudest
men I knew, had turned into this little week man who was so ashamed
about the biggest part of his life - his addiction to glass. Every
day he smoked my heart broke more and more, and I could see that his
heart was breaking too, but his addiction was too strong. This was all a few years ago and now he has become a broke
drug dealer who only makes enough money to support his habit.
He'll always be the Love of my life and there’s not a single
moment that I don’t think back to the man I looked up to so much,
the man that was my gift from God, my blessing on this earth..but he's
no longer that man, he has buried the proud successful man that he
truly is by shame and guilt and it’s all due to this drug, this
substance that has made his life hell.
I urge whoever gets to read this to due everything in your
power to stop someone the very moment u find out that their using,
don’t just let it slide few times because before u know it it'll be
too late. In my heart I
know that he is still a good man, and loves me so much but our Love,
our future, and out happiness is now ruined.
I'm now 20 years old my meth addiction started when I was 11. My mom
and sister were both meth users at the time my sister even cooked it
so you could imagine how available it was to me. One day I peeked in
the kitchen and saw where they had put it. When my mom went to see my
sister out I sneaked into the kitchen and climbed on the counter and
in the cupboard there it was a big pile of meth I remembered from Scar
Face how to snort it so I did it burned like hell and I was up forever
it seemed. From that moment on I was stealing it from my mom. I kept
it a secret for about 4 years, by drinking a lot of coffee and I guess
since my mom was so wrapped up in her addiction she did not notice
mine. One weekend my friends which are also friends of my mothers were
up for about 4 days together when those 4 days started I was all ready
up for 7 days plus those 4 so all together 11 days this when I was 15
years old.
I am 23 years old I never have been a real hard drug abuser until, I
was introduced to oxeye cotton pain pills. I had tried a few other
drugs but never addicted. The day my husband and me split up I started
the oxeys. I went 2 months without seeing my children that I had been
the only one in their lives since they were born. I just didn’t care
about anything. I was to the point where I was doing what ever it took
to get a oc to get high. The last day that I done one I had went to a
friends house to see if they would get me high which they banged there
oxeys. I had never done that before I had always snorted them. They
were in their bathroom getting high when I got there and they offered
it to me. But I had to bang it. I wanted to get high so bad I said ok.
I sat down on the toilet and right when the needle was getting ready
to go in my arm I said no. I went from there to a pay phone and called
my mom wt night I started seeing things outside my windows and hearing
music that wasn’t there. At the time I thought it was kind of funny
cause I knew I was tripping then I was closing all my blinds and I was
so tired but I couldn’t sleep so I stayed awake and as time went on
it got worse. I didn’t want to get high anymore I just wanted to
sleep. The next day, which was yesterday, I was shaking all day I
wouldn’t go outside for anything. My boy friend was really upset
that it come to this but he laid there with me all day and rubbed my
back till I went to sleep but I kept waking up. I felt a little better
. I could not believe that this was happening to me. As I felt a
little better all I really wanted was to get high again but at the
same time I was thinking about how scared I was of the drug. My
boyfriend told me it would be over if I ever done it again. I decided
then that he was more important than meth but it didn’t change my
body craving it at all. So I just laid in the floor shaking deprived
of sleep I had stopped have worse experience of my life doing meth and
I will never do it again. I feel so sorry for the ones that are doing
meth they have no life at all other then being a meth head and that
has to be the worse life I know that any one can live. I have learned
now that I was really stupid for trying meth and even more stupid for
thinking that I wouldn’t get addicted cause I stopped using oxeys.
Any drug is addictive. And one drug leads to another that gets you
higher. But if someone is reading this that is curious about trying
meth, don’t do it. Any drug is bad. There have been a lot that I
have just tried one time and I didn’t want it any more. But meth is
a totally different game. One time and you will be hooked and don’t
think the ones you do it with are your friends cause they will keep
giving it to you and will not help
you realize you have a problem and need help. They are just looking at
it as if they get you high that you will like it and be buying meth
and doing it with them.
My youngest sister Missy (35 years old) just died from Primary
Pulmonary Hypertension (PPH). You
will often see commercials on TV about suing the makers of
"Phen-fen" diet pills if you have heart valve or lung damage
from these diet pills.
Email letters to kcimeth@yahoo.com All submissions become the property of the Koch Crime Institute. The Koch Crime Institute reserves the right to reject any submission. The reader should be aware that the Koch Crime Institute is not responsible for the content of any submission. Editing changes for clarity, spelling and readability is for the benefit of the readers. Some stories may be graphic. HOME
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