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   Everyday of my life I think about what I'm doing. Don't you think I know I am killing myself? Don't you think I know I am hurting my 4 year old son? Well, I do. I know exactly what I'm doing to myself and to the ones who love me. So, why can't I stop? I hate this CRAP. It's like a never ending roller coaster ride that was invented by Satan. I feel this little spark inside me that makes me feel like I can pull out of it, I can get my old life back. I have lost everything. I mean everything. I had a job, apartment, car, money, and almost done with a bachelors degree...but I fell to much in love with meth. I hate myself before I put it in my pipe and hate myself even more after I blow out the first cloud. I know depression and related problems are the side affects of long term abuse. All I want is to have the strength to say .."NO! I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!! I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU AGAIN!!." But I can't. So I sit here and take another hit and keep hurting.
   I love my son so much. Do I love this evil drug more? What kind of mother, or if I still qualify as one, am I? I pray, I pray everyday. Please God help me. I don't want this anymore. I wish I could personally execute the inventor of this horrid disease that has plagued us meth addicts, our families, our friends, and most importantly our children. I don't care what anyone says. I know I'm addicted. I know I need help. I want help. I will change. But please, just show me how. Meth is America's New AIDS Virus...Can we possibly invent a cure is it going to kill us off?
--Aztek

   I have just visited your web site for research purposes, and thought I would share my experiences involving "ICE" a smokable form of Methamphetamine.
   I had been living on the Island of Guam, located in south east Asia. I had not heard of or seen ice until that time. I now know I was living in the highest producing area for the drug. My addiction came rather fast as I was away from friends and family and I did not have to worry about hiding my use. I started using 25.00 "plates" ( packaged in clear plastic straws sealed on both ends) Plates were sold in 10th of a gram increments for 100.00 each. Of course I soon graduated to buying grams which sold for 400.00 in flourishing times and for 1000.00 a gram in sparse times. I soon lost my job and all of my straight friends, I had no use for them as I was "Chasing the Dragon " doing only drug related activities, I then graduated to selling to support my habit thinking I was going to make money at the same time. I lived a vicious circle of buying, selling, and using, I would live where I could exchanging sex for various things just to get by, thinking all the while all was well. I hit my bottom one day when I was stranded on a beach with no where to go and I had 25 cents to my name I went to a pay phone and was going to call someone and realized that I had no one to call, not one single person. I then decided to make the big move and fly to the Philippines to import a large amount of ice to get some money and get myself off the Island....right..... I soon found out the people I was dealing with were involved with DEA. And believe it or not I was lucky that they were because If I had been arrested coming out of the Philippines instead of coming into Guam as I was, I would now be facing the death penalty or have already been put to death, that is the penalty in the Philippines for exportation. I was charged with conspiracy and spent the first year in a maximum security prison on the Island of Guam, which consisted of 23 hour lockdown, 1 hour out for fresh air daily, chain link and razor barb fences, and a lot of rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner !!!. I was awaiting sentencing!!! I was then sentenced and was sent to the US for another 4 years in prison. I was released 10 months ago and my life will never be the same. I cannot get a job, as a federal parole I am required to put on applications and inform prospective employers of my record. Incarceration in general changes a person I have become a social introvert, whereas I used to be an outgoing person. I do have the unbelievable blessing of family and friends who have supported me throughout this entire incident. I will be starting a BA degree program in Criminal Justice at my local University in 3 weeks and I am on track and getting my self back. Would I do it again...of course ...as we can never do the whole "If I'd known then what I know now" thing. I am glad I went through what I did being arrested and Prison...Of course...God only knows where I would be if I hadn't. Will I do it again HELL NO.... I wish every one all the luck with their addictions. Its a short downhill road there and a long uphill road back but its worth the climb.
--Jessica

   I am married to a meth. addict. I have been with my husband for 4 years, and I've watched him go from a fun, kind, loving person to a violent, moody, and selfish individual. He's been unfaithful to me. He's sold our posessions for drugs. He hasn't held a steady job for the entire time we've been together. He's missed his children's birthdays. He lies, cheats, and steals to get his fix, and to hell with anyone who loves him. We've begged him to get help, but he just makes empty promises and goes right back to using. I don't understand the power that meth. has over the users. What's the fun in it? How can losing everything that matters be worth the temporary high meth. offers? How much higher can you get?!
--Dawn

   I am the sister of a meth user. I have seen the horrible effects of meth and have experienced it first hand. I care deeply for him. He is a very talented artist when he is not using. He also has/had a photographic memory.
   Before his drug use started (age 14) he was a straight A student. It's his Birthday today. He is now thirty. In a way I hope that he reads this, but I doubt he will. If not him, maybe someone else who has brothers and sisters out there using will read this and relate. I have tried to help him but every time I do, his habit seems to get worse. Last December he called with no place to live, scabs all over his body, and delusional. He thought the FBI was around every corner following him. He agreed to go to Detox. He stayed there for 10 days but when treatment was available, he refused. My parents have tried to help him repeatedly. They have supported him, let him live with them, offered to pay for treatment...done everything they could to help him. I am 4 years younger than him and he has always looked to me admirably and bragged about me to all of his friends. I got good grades in school, went to college, and work very hard to have a happy and successful life. His habit and refusal to quit has made me and my family's life hell. I got very angry with him recently and yelled at him. I told him how I felt in a very angry fashion. I felt horrible because being this outraged was not in my nature. I feel like I have destroyed our relationship and that is not what I wanted to do, but now that it's done...my brother has a place to live and has a job. He still stops by occasionally and looks better. Maybe he is better off without all of our help. It is hard to just step out of his life like this, but I refuse to be part of it anymore unless he quits using. It not only destroys his life, It destroys mine as well. P.S. The problem is all over my town. The house across the street caught on fire last week due to meth materials in the house. They had four kids. It makes me so angry! I don't understand how people can say yes to this devastating, mind destroying drug. --Sister of (hopefully) Ex-Meth user

   I am reading all these stories and thanking god that I have been off of drugs for five years now. I am a 29 year-old, married, mother of two with a very successful career as an accountant.
   I'd like to share with you my horrible experience with speed. I started in June 1994 and stopped that following year. My "friends" and I used to go to after hour parties, which in L.A. start at about 2:00 a.m., so we would do it to so that we would be able to stay up and dance all night and have "fun" for the raves and after hours. Then I needed some more to stay up when I got home to take care of my son. Then I needed more to stay awake for work. Finally when I would come "down" two to four days after that first line on Friday I would try to sleep. My body would tremble horribly, I would think about the most ridiculous things and of course I was paranoid and moody and emotional as hell. I would never look anybody directly in the eye for fear that they would know. At the time I was a single mom of a 6 year old. I never thought I neglected my son, but then again that is just another part of the denial associated with the drug. I was totally withdrawn from him and everybody else in my family, except of course my "tweeker friends". I would carry a vial full of tweak with me so I would never be without the drug. Picking up my vial was almost as routine as picking up my car keys.
   Also let me tell you about the "bugs" that crawled on my skin. I picked at my arms and my legs and pretty soon all my "friends" had these same "bugs" on them. I still have the scars. I would pluck my eyebrows until there weren't any. My nostrils were so dry from snorting that we would have to take a Q-tip to moisturize it so it wouldn't burn so much when we would take that next line. Oh, and the loveliest part of all was my breath smelled like total crap, and I'm sure plenty of you can relate to that one.
   The day I stopped was when I was at a rave and I had done too much speed, as usual. I got paranoid. Everybody was staring at me, so I thought. Everybody was naked and talking about me, so I thought. I couldn't talk, I couldn't dance, I couldn't look at anybody and didn't want anybody looking at me. I couldn't breathe, my heart was beating so fast, the room was spinning, the music was vibrating through me. I was so pathetic. I went home and stayed in my room for three days, in the dark, with no phone calls and absolutely no communication with anybody. My "friends" didn't even realize what was going on, because they were probably so high themselves they could really care less. Thank god my son was with his father that weekend, because I don't know what he would have thought or what I would have done to him. Finally when the I completely came down, I realized that I had hit MY rock bottom, I say MY because I feel everybody has there own idea of what rock bottom is. I had lost weight, couldn't do or go anywhere without tweaking. I had lost my boyfriend and my real friends. Most of all I lost a year of my life. I can honestly tell you that at the time I thought they were the best days of my life. When I think back on those days I feel this eeriness and I get chills just thinking about it. I stopped going to those parties and got rid of my-so-called "friends". It was the best thing I've ever done in my life. Please stay away from this drug, IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. 
--AR

   My story isn't the story of a 10 year addiction. My story is about a great friend that I lost to meth. Meth, didn't literally take my friends life but it might as well. 
   I met "Steve" when I was a sophomore. He had graduated the year before and seemed to have a really bright future. He had loving parents and family. He lived in an upper middle class area. He was one of those boys that everyone loved. Back in the day he used to only do weed. He said he never would do anything stronger and that he only did weed at parties. 
   Summer of 2000 was when everything changed he started doing meth while I was gone on vacation. When I came back he wasn't there anymore, it was a totally different person. He was kicked out of his families home. He quit college and doesn't work anymore. When I go to see him I don't even recognize him, the once cute boy is now a scrawny, very delusional boy. You can't even hold a normal conversation with him. Every time I see him he's depresses and thinks I'm using him for drugs even though I don't do drugs. About a month ago I saw Steve and I had a really bad feeling. I told him that, and that I was really scared for him. He told me not to worry he was fine, he could handle things on his own. That night he took meth, 3 bars, XTC and he drank. He went crazy for about two weeks he was messed up he went into a massive depression where anything could set him off. It was scary. 
   I'm only 17. I'm a junior. I don't understand. I cant understand why people would risk everything for brief pleasure. I can't understand why at 17 I should have to watch my friend slowly kill himself through these evil drugs. I don't understand how others knowing what it does can do it. If your planning on trying this drug, even for the first time, DON'T! I've seen what it does and I don't want it seen done to anyone else.
--Cheryl

   Hello I am currently a meth user, and I came here to search for some answers. I am 20 years old and I now after reading the letters of those who have cried and screamed for help. Even the letters of those who seem to speak to stop this abuse cause of their own loss. Now I have really cried for the first time in a long time, I haven't had any emotions cause I don't know what it means to feel anything but when I am coming down and I need my next hit. I am a sad and lonely person who has buried myself in my own baggie and never seem to realize who is next to my heart anymore. But it took me to read the real stories of those who either had to watch or been through it all to admit that and I will say it for the first time "I AM AN ADDICT TO CRYSTAL METH" and I wan to stop. I hope I have the will power to stop myself from killing myself slowly. To those who maybe thinking of using it or just started the affects on your body may not show. But I have been doing it for 6 months now almost everyday and I have allot of problems. I sometimes seem to be very bitter (high or not) I cant keep my mind on one thing, I seem to be jumpy to things I don't recognize. I have lost allot of weight and it doesn't look nice. I look sick all the time and I have even had pneumonia three times from it. I can t seem to do anything unless I am high. I am mean and angry when I cant hook up and have to replace my bedroom mirror two times cause when I look in the mirror and I am coming down I don't know who I am an I trip out and think it a stranger looking at me. I tell people I am insane and I scare them away cause I cant seem to keep a conversation anymore. I say confusing things all the time and when I sketch out I cant stop jittering and moving. I seem to never smoke enough to get high anymore and I am not happy. I have wasted so much money and I would even steal wallets to get my hook up. Now after I have only told you half of what I have become. I just want to be able to love the person I was born as. But I think even if I quit I will never be the same. so please listen to my story and think that not just to never become like me. But what Crystal Meth can make you in to. Don't become a monster to this evil world, this is not life it just a faster way to kill yourself. So to who ever will read this and other stories to I give my heart to those who have given their message. THANK YOU. You have help me and think it one more person who will start being happy cause their are people who care I love you all.
--Krishna DAP

   I started using meth during Feb. 2000. As most users will tell you, at first it was great. I was getting so much accomplished, so focused. Everything was CRYSTAL clear. But after a few months all that changed, especially after I started smoking it. The usual symptoms: weight/strength loss, paranoia, violent mood swings....I was already a heavy drinker when I started, so the combination of the two made for a big, disgusting, paranoid, fidgeting DRUNK JUNKIE. I ended up in a jail a few times due to this coupling. I also broke my back when drunk and spun out of my mind. I didn't use for the first month after breaking my back (only because I was laid up), but was right back to it as soon as I was able. That was five months ago. I've been clean for only a week. Still struggling. In the past I have tried to stop but was unable. I know that a relapse is eminent but will try with everything I have to never touch the nasty soul sucking shit ever again. What has helped me in this latest quitting of meth is to admit to everyone I know (my wife, friends, co-workers, family...) that I have a problem with meth. I tell them my dirty little secrets: where I would use it, how I would use it, where I kept my SHIT....It has helped, but I know it is not enough. I am about to go to my first NA meeting. There is a way when there is a will, but it can't be done alone. A large support network is needed, so get as much people behind you as possible. People need to know that this shit is as hardcore as crack and no fucking joke. its grip is insanely powerful and as tenacious as a pitbull's. I know people who have fallen much further than me into this deadly abyss and I don't know if there is any way for them to climb out. They are toothless and insane and mostly DEAD. My heart goes out to them and to anyone who has ever been imprisoned by this evil crap. Get HELP or get help for someone who is on it. Share the intimate details of your use and apologize to those you have hurt... I don't know, it has helped a great deal in this first week. Be good to yourselves and those you love.
--dsg

   I'm a 40 year old white male that has been using speed since 1987. All the letters that I've read on this site are true in either my life or someone that I know. I've seen innocent kids neglected and abused, good men become liars and thieves, decent women become whores. I've seen passive people turn violent overnight. I've seen folks lose family, friends, and finances. I've witnessed people tripping so bad that it scared me. I get depressed often. I've had entire weeks, sometimes months go by be- for I realized that I'd been in some other world. Tying my shoes makes me sweat. I've often gone almost crazy looking for my car keys only to find them in my hand. And to all you people reading this brief letter and laughing because it's all so familiar I ask you " Are you really OK with all this? "
   P.S.- The end result is death and {or} Prison. I've been to Prison and sadly enough I sometimes pray for death. It's all cause of METH!

   I started using crystal Meth about 6 years ago. I had a four bedroom house on the lake, a wife and a 6 year old son. I was not using very much at the time, but the marriage came to an end. I was really hurting over the marriage. So I started using the drug more and more. It took the hurt away from me. I continued to use the drug when one year later, I meet a girl that I fell in love with. I stopped using meth for the first 3 months but her parents were making fun of how much weight I was gaining. At the time, that seemed like a good reason to use again. She could not understand me and accused me of doing drugs many times. I always lied and said that this is just me. I would stay up for five or six nights at a time and them sleep for two. I didn't even see a problem with that. She asked me one night if I would just come to bed and sleep a little while each night. I told my dealer that she was complaining because I was not sleeping, he said that is just a woman wanting power and so that is what I told her. You just want power over me. What a stupid thing to say. After about six months I told her about the drug. She begged me to go to a re-had but I still didn't think that I had a problem. The marriage lasted about two years and she kicked me out of the house. I had already sold my house to have more money for meth. It didn't even hurt that much at the time to sell the house. It has hurt badly since then. The day she told me to leave, I quit the drugs, and went to re-had. She still wouldn't have anything to do with me. I had quit the drug for about six months again when I met another girl. Things really went well for about three weeks but then I felt like I couldn't do enough so I started using again. She noticed right away. I went on and off the drug for about one year, within which we got married. We moved in and out with each other about six times in that year. Some life huh. I quit using meth on Jan. 2, 2001. She kept getting farther and farther from me. I couldn't figure out why. Two weeks ago, we had been arguing all day and I went to take my boy back to his mothers, when I got back, she told me that she didn't want to be married anymore but she would need a roommate so I could take one bedroom and she would take the other. I was very mad. I moved her clothes to the other bedroom and I told her that the computer was mine and I was taking it. She hit me and jumped on my back and knocked me down on the bed. This was the maddest that I have even been at a female. I reached around and grabbed her shirt and pulled her to the ground. I held her down until she settled down and then I let her go. She left and 4 hours later, the police came and arrested me for dis. Violence and assault. She has put out an restraining order on me also. I have to go to court next week and sit there with the woman that I love more than anything in the world sitting there and pressing charges on me.
   Crystal Meth has taken me from a very friendly person who was very good at work and had a good family to a person that I no longer know. I stay confused all the time. I don't see people the same way that I used to see them. I have a mean side of me that I never had. The most simple things in life seem so complicated. I have a lot of trouble at work. Its like I can't stay focused anymore. There is no way to really describe how I feel, only another user could understand. I have read the stories of so many other users of meth and I know how they feel. I will probably be going through my third divorce soon. My wife likes the internet very much so I would like to dedicate this letter to her, although she will never read it. I love her so very much, and I would like to tell her that I am truly sorry. 
Janis, this letter is for you. 
--JW

   I am a 39 year old women who used meth for over ten years and now haven't used for over a year. I am not writing so much to tell you about myself but more so about what the effect of meth have had on my husband and our life together.
   Currently my husband lies in a hospital bed at the University of Iowa Hospitals, without the use of his left leg. This is what has followed the removal of two tumors off his spine. He and I firmly believe the cause of these tumors were do to his use of meth over the last fifteen years or more. He also believes this. As of now fifteen days after the surgery has no use of his bladder or bowl and is currently wearing adult diapers. My husband was a proud man and this has been very hard for him to accept. The Doctors can not tell him if any of these things will return, we pray everyday.
   This is not the first time he has encountered health issues. Two years ago his immune system was down and his face was paralyzed do to shingles virus, this was following a long term of meth use he was looking like a old man it broke my heart. Also at this time found out that he had immflamed blood vessels in his brain. These are better today but only after many thousands of dollars in medical bills.
   Needles to say our road is not finished yet he has to go to rehab for his leg, and has to have radiation on the remaining tumors in his back and they found two small ones in his head. So if anyone out there thinks that that fun high doesn't have it cost, believe me its cost could be higher than you could ever believe. Thank You
Barbara

   I've been lying for a long time... 
   When I first heard of meth, I was relatively indifferent to it. I didn't know what it did, how much it cost, etc. When I mentioned to my brother that I was thinking about trying it, he flipped. >From his reaction I made a sound judgment of the drug and promised never to try it. After being peer pressured, I gave in. I had tried many other amphetamines- coke, E, Speed, etc, and didn't really think it would be much different. I suppose I started using more regularly out of boredom with the other drugs. Not only that, but meth made me feel good, something I was quite alien to. It also helped me control my eating, or should I say forget about eating. I found that with using, I lost weight, received numerous compliments on my appearance, and formed an extremely positive outlook on life. Once my parents found out, my life crashed. Everything I enjoyed doing was questioned, so I was forced to lie about my money and what I was doing all the time. At certain times, the truth bared all. I recall once lying to my parents about owing a dealer $200, which I didn't. I don't know why I said it, but nevertheless, my parents offered to pay the debt. My Mom drove me to "pay" off my dealer, when in actuality, I was picking up 2 grams while she waited in the truck. I continued to use off and on for a while after that. After being kicked out of the house by my Dad, I was forced to live with friends. Having no money, I was clean. For about 1.5 months I didn't use. While I was clean, I felt depressed, fat, ugly, and useless. Meth seemed like the only answer, and it still does. I've recently broke down and began using again. Part of me wants to slap myself and never touch the shit again, but the bigger part just wants to go out and score. I don't know what to do. All I can say is that I love meth, but it has destroyed my life, and oddly enough that doesn't affect my urge to do it.
--Brian

   I am setting here tonight because I don't know what else to do. I met my husband when I was 16 and I knew he used drugs and drank. It didn't bother me because I never saw him using. He just wouldn't show up or be in jail. We were married when I was 18. We have been married for 10 years and have wonderful 2 year old and a 5 year old. My husband is very addicted to speed and I don't know what to do any more. I never knew how hard it was to live like this but it is tearing me apart. My husband has accused me of adultery and having sex with other people, he was left me and sat all night watching me from a tree to see what I would do, etc. Both my children where premature and my husband doubted that my first born was his. This really hurt! This went on for many years and even when we had sex, he would look at my privates with a flashlight to see if it was any different that before. Anyways this went on for awhile and he finally stopped and asked for forgiveness. I forgave him for hurting me but he still used. He would go for a week at a time only to come home for three days to sleep and he went out again. I thought it was me all the time because he always left after we had a fight. Anyways I thought he had finally quit and he did for a while. We had my second son and bought a house. Everyone thinks that he has been clean for 3 years but the truth is that about every six months he relapses. I sit and wait for him to call me and I call his cell phone but nothing. He is gone again tonight after just being gone the night before. Last night him and I spent it talking until 4am because I went to his friends house and brought him home and then yesterday was fine. Today he said he needed gas for the lawnmower and he was going to stop by Ace to get slug bait and he hasn't come back. I know I was stupid because I let him go. I don't know why but ever since we met I could tell when he has getting ready to use and not coming back, and I had that same feeling before he left. But I let him go anyways!!!! He told me last night that we would face problems together that we would talk more specially about his addiction how he does it and why. That he did not want to lose me or the kids. I worry about my kids not because of him but because of me. Every time he leaves I forget about everything I cannot function. I don't feed them, I don't wash them or brush their teeth and I become upset very easy with them, yelling and cussing at them. I know is not right and many times I have thought about giving them up to someone who will be a better mom than me but I cant. Lately all I can think about is leaving and never coming back. I know is a selfish thing to do but I believe they will be better of without me. I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I think even GOD has stop listening to me and I don't know what to do anymore. I am really desperate right now. Two days I got very close of killing myself although my husband was here to stop me from it, but I don't know if I will last tonight. PLEASE HELP!!! 
--Elsa

   My name is Pattie 40 year old woman who has lived at least I thought the best life I could cared for people wanted to see everyone happy tried to make everyone around me fell good in my company. I met a great guy electrician like me worked hard along side of me fell in love with that gentleman until one day I discovered not to long ago as a matter of fact meth controlled his life. wow what an awakening I guess why I am writing tonight is not to tell the horror story about meth we all know what that is we have heard it over and over and over again. boy meets girl or girl meets boy whichever pertains to you boy starts meth loses true friends gains meth friends loses job then loses earthly possessions all that they have worked for then loses family also a relationship they didn't want to lose but meth wins out lives with meth friends in filthy or near filthy conditions good girlfriend or boyfriend helps out makes life easy for them to live girlfriend can't take no more boy goes back to meth friends boy either ends up in jail or dead so the story goes over and over again. This is my statement for healing no matter how hard it seems to be. I need to get off this addiction to him and move on he needs to end up with the downfall he was so destine to have. Today I discovered $500.00 out of my checkbook I had worked over a week to attain pay for my bills and ended up with an overdraft I didn't even know I should have. This bank statement has made me so angry today if I see him tonight I am libel to kick his ass from here to china I can't believe he got my checkbook routing number and stole this money from me. How can a person ever trust again. I am sorry for rambling it just pisses me off good luck to anyone affiliated with a drug addict.
Love ya all
--Pattie

   I spent most of last night reading "the letters". I am not a user. I was however involved with one for 20 years. The first 10 years I spent not understanding what was wrong. He wouldn't hold a job. He seem to mess up our relationship as soon as things would start to be good between us. We had 3 children from previous relationships. I was always working very hard and trying to take care of the kids. He was always "hanging out", or gone for days at a time. I would leave him. He would leave me. We put the kids through hell. After 10 years I left the Bay area for Northern Calif. I didn't see him much. When I did it was the beginning of monumental character decline. He was coaching little league and pop Warner football. He and the other coaches were all involved with meth., valiums and cocaine. He like to get the divorced mothers with big child support checks and buy their drugs for them using their money to buy his own. It was so sick to me. All these parents using their kids games as a social contact for using drugs!
   He deteriorated. Got more crazy. Got a job as a plumber and started selling to all the other plumbers on the job sites. Lives in a shack in the forested area of South Bay. All his neighbors do drugs as well. He has no teeth. Once I came over and he had shaved, or someone had shaved, all his pubic hair off. He masturbates to Porn constantly. Is involved with illegal weapons and talks about killing cops. He is a big deal with his drug buddies because he does hold a job! I tried for the second 10 years to "save him" . He would quit for a few days because he was "spun" and lock me out of the house as soon as he got ready to use again. I would leave and start a new life to have him show up and make promises he could never keep and leave me again broke and worried about STD's. He was so freaky looking the last couple of years (bizarre tattoos, biker paraphernalia and crazy behavior that I was overcome with embarrassment to be seen in public with him. I couldn't have my friends or co workers see me with him. Every other word was cursing . All he talked about was hating Jews, blacks and cops. I would wash his dirty laundry and get sick from the meth fumes coming off of his clothes in the washer when I added the soap. He smelled like death to me, yet he didn't die.
  I am away now. I have been for over a year with absolutely no contact. I still try to understand why God would let this happen to someone with, at one time, a loving heart. These letters have helped me understand the pull of the drug. He would never tell me much about how he was feeling except that he always had the flu. The razor blades, the straws, the terrible smell, the poverty and bizarre behavior were all the result of me being a bitch better than that, a Jew bitch. I will never recover from what I allowed myself to see while I was with him. I would never suggest spouses or children to stay and help. It doesn't help. Cranksters love crank. 
--Emi

   Listen this is to all those who are addicted to crank. I was a heavy spoofer for 5 years I started when I was 15 and spoofed [ smoked ] for 5 years. I have not done crank in 2 years and I made it. You can make it to just do it for yourself for the people around you that love you. Do it now don't keep putting them toxic chemicals in your body. Crank eats you from the inside out. I know it is hard and it feels like you cant do it but you can I know you can please try at least try. The deal is this you need to stay clean for 2 weeks on your own then don't hang around anybody that has it or sells it. easy said then done but you have to do it your gonna have to stop whether you make yourself or prison makes you or health problems make you. try and remember yourself before you started doing crank. Maybe you like going to movies or going to Lake. Maybe you like playing basketball ball or going to mall. Try and remember the person you where and bring them back. See the only way your ever going to stop and enjoy life without crank is to not hang around people who sell or use get away from them tell them your quitting for awhile give yourself a few months and you will feel like a new person .You will feel wired to be normal and clean ready to make money and be the person not a dope addict. You can do it just remember get away from those who have it or deal with it. I hope all of you can someday stop using and show everybody how strong you are to beat crank don't let crank kill you fight back. Be somebody get a job and by nice things save for a nice car or for something you want. Stop wasting your money on crank you could be a powerful person if stop using and started being the real you. Just think about all the money and nice things you can have if you where not giving all of it for dope. You could be somebody you could make a difference in a kids life. Stop letting the world down start fighting back don't lose to crank. please do it you will never look back I mean geeez just having money and your body being back strong again is reward enough. Your better then how your treating yourself. Come on you remember you your in there somewhere find yourself and stop puffing away time. Remember you could be having money and hella stuff if you quit. Good luck you can quit just get away from those who still mess with it ........I hope you get a chance to enjoy life again cause it is such a high being normal and clean it is a challenge a victory I have already have .Now its your turn don't waste what life you have left.. 
--Rezlyn

   I'm only 16, and I've been addicted to meth for a year now. It's not only eating me away physically, but mentally, and spiritually. It's eating my life away, along with killing my friends and family to see me like this. I have already seen four of my friends die from this monster. You may think meth isn't in your city, but it's everywhere. So beware. It kills.
--Anar

   Hi I am 30 yrs. old and I have used Meth off and on for about 6yrs. now but since Dec. I was using pretty heavy . I was a recovering alcoholic and I just changed my vise not even realizing it. Everyone was on my case bad about me drinking so much so I decided to go back to using METH to keep my spirits up I have put it down before I can do it again. I became a prisoner of my own weakness. In a matter of minutes I went from thinking I was in control of everything to losing everything that has ever mattered to me. Now I am in $6,000 dollars in debt lost my mothers respect and am about to lose my job and any friends that ever mattered. I have been off of METH going on six weeks now and about to lose my sanity the Meth has controlled my mind and body but I am on my way to gaining control back with Gods help and a lot of willpower. I have something to share with anyone that has never tried Meth please don't!!

"Meth the Silent Nightmare"
For anyone that has tried it knows it is like a ghost that constantly haunts you. People hear about how good it makes you feel but you rarely hear about the nightmares that comes along with it. Meth won't let you just walk away after you have had a taste, you are like a wild animal with their first taste of blood. Once you try to walk away meth prays on your mind and body. Waking you in the middle of the night with the taste in your mouth and the thoughts that just a little more won't hurt anything. Meth will pray on your body having you thinking and feeling you can't make it through the day without it . The ghost will convince you as long as none knows it will be ok. Now you are no longer in control of your mind and body meth is. You are a prisoner of your own weakness. By this time you will do whatever it takes to keep it around. It becomes your friend , your only way to make it through each day. Nothing else seems to matter . And even when you lose everything that has ever mattered to you the ghost will still haunt you praying on you ever thought . And once you walk away it will cause you to hate yourself as well as others because you have chosen to go through this nightmare that there seems to be no end . So if you never tried the wonder drug "meth" don't the ghost will haunt you for a lifetime or in some cases to "death"!
--Jaded

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